Let me first begin by stating that I have full knowledge of what the saying, don't sweat the small stuff, means. It's just that for myself the saying is a bit more literal than to worry about minute details. Sweating is not just a fancy term that I am using to refer to or mean something else, but it is the actual physical act of sweating like I'm sitting in a sauna with my clothes on, (which would be a strange thing to do). I'm finding that it is the little things that are leading me to feel as if I have just participated in an Iron-Man competition, (in reality my speed would be more of a Wet-Paper-Bag competition).
If you are old enough to remember the payphone, then you will of course, also remember the phone book. Years and years ago,(back in the 80's), it became a trend to show your strength by ripping a five-hundred-page phone book in half. Doing so, also served as a form of intimidation and was a warning to all phone books that you weren't beneath tearing them apart in case any of them happened to be thinking of attacking you when your attention was averted. Now I don't want to brag here but once I was actually able to tear a ten-page document in half. Currently, I feel I am carrying on in that paramount tradition whenever I try to remove the paper cover off of the straw that comes with the drink that I've purchased. Most people can grasp the little flap at the top of the straw and tear that paper off within about half a second, but I feel like I need one of those industrial size grabbers, you know, the ones you see guys using on the side of the freeway to pick up trash. It feels like I need to order one every time I order a drink. It's either that or a new brain so that I have the motor skills required to grasp the quarter inch flap of paper on the end. "Sir, would you care for any fries with your iced tea?" "No thank you...but would you happen to have the ability I'm going to need to remove my straw from its Fort Knox-like paper encasing?" It seems to me that if one of these fast food chains wanted to really make a tremendous happy meal that they should include a new Cerebellum with each order instead of a toy. At least make it an option!
For those of us who take more than thirty- seconds to unwrap a piece of chewing gum, again, I don't mean to brag, but I have come up with an idea for gum manufacturers. They really should start making the foiled wrapper chewable and the same artificially- enhanced flavor as the gum or some strangely complimentary flavor, like broccoli, so that we could just pop the whole thing in our mouth. I chew sugar-free gum, but I wouldn't have to chew it because I lose 35 calories just trying to wrestle the gum out of the wrapper. At times I've found myself wondering if there is not a hotline number you can call for assistance and helpful tips on how to unwrap a single stick of gum.
This next one I am actually not sure could be done, but it would make my life a lot simpler if there were a television remote available that did everything with just had one button. You might think the remote is simple, (and for my kids it is), and you might wonder why, after using the same remote for the last ten years, it is so difficult? It is just that, by the time I figure it out the season premiere of the new show we want to check out is now through its second season and showing reruns. And on top of that, I am still trying to figure out where to point the thing and the perfect angle for maximum efficiency. Do I aim it straight at the television? Would it work better if I bounce the signal off a wall or the dog? Should I just skip the middleman and go outside, aim up, and hope I hit a satellite? At this point, a game of Charades is looking like a very desirable option and a definite possibility.
Why is it that the small stuff, the things that should be easy, and quickly done in five minutes or less, are the things that end up consuming the whole day? I don't know the answer, but as I continue to struggle with the things that should come quickly and as I am wiping the sweat out of my eyes from wrestling with one of these simple tasks, I am reminded not to sweat the small stuff.
My family enjoying a day at the Oregon Coast. From left to right is Megan, Me, Jessica, Kameron, and my wife, Melissa. We were accompanied by our 2 dogs, Ollie( by Megan), and Lucy(held by Jessica).
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