When asked this question, my response was always...."I don't think so because I believe I have said all I that want to say on the subject". I felt it was time to move on to other projects. What I have since discovered...is that for the very first time in my short 54 years I underestimated the situation (if you believe that then you and I will get along just fine). Instead, what I have discovered, to my delight...is that there is still plenty of fuel in the creative tank.
I am still draggin' the unwanted guest Ataxia around for a ride...because, after all, it's my life, not his. So, I would love to present you with the next installment...a few thoughts I had, titled...A Question of Dexterity....hope you enjoy it.
to_____________________________________________________________________________
The question of hand-orientation can be a difficult and perplexing concept to fully grasp. I have made the choice of which hand to use much easier for myself.....by creating a simple little rhyming jingle. I sing it whenever I am confused...and I will share it with you. Feel free to use the song whenever you may find it to be helpful. It goes like this...
Left hand....Right hand,
it really doesn't matter....
cuz neither one can.
Right hand...Left hand,
can't be hold'n nothin....
everything falls through...
may as well be clutchin' sand.
I didn't put any musical notes with it...for the purpose of allowing the song to be sung in anyone's preferred musical style. Personally, I was going through kind of an adult contempo-fairytale phase when the limerick started dancing in my head. You should know though that you can put it to any kind of music you want. Do you like Icelandic speed metal? Country music, or Opera maybe? Whatever fits your style...
Growing up I was always strongly right-handed. In fact, my left side has always been noticeably weaker...both in strength, grip...and overall balance. One side was good(right), and one side was weak(left)....like I was some kind of ataxian-halfbreed. However, I always admired those who were ambidextrous...and was forever trying tasks with my left hand...simple things performed with my right hand, like brushing my teeth, throwing a rock, baseball or hand grenade, or writing my name. These attempts were all failures of course...and thus, I remained firmly right-handed.
As with the general loss of balance, I never fully realized the privilege that it was to be "handed" at all...until, of course, the infamous day that it all waved goodbye. Ataxia has brought many things with it...being the equal opportunity personal and social action that it is...and I no longer have to think about which hand is the most reliable. The dream of ever becoming ambidextrous...easily switching routine tasks from right/left and back to right again...has now become a life of ataxia-dextrous. A world in which anything....at any time...whether in the right or left hand...can be bobbled and dropped. Sort of a frantic juggling, if you will. Ataxia also brings a new definition to being viewed as a person who takes a general "underhanded" approach to life.
The general loss of dexterity may not be "hands-down" the worst byproduct of SCA...but neither does it deserve any clapping or applause. And while I'm on the subject of clapping...my attempts look more like the shewing away of 2 flies...like I am directing fly traffic...as if I'm telling the flies, "you go to the left and you go to the right". Really, all I need is some runway attendants' flashlights.
I would never make a good criminal...I think this is largely due to the fact that I wouldn't be able to write a ransom note or leave any written taunts and little clues. I think that the loss of writing has been the hardest for me. Not to be able to take notes at a meeting...fill out and sign a simple restaurant check....or make a list of unreasonable criminal demands. Like...I want all Kale removed from grocery store produce departments...go, you have 30 minutes! Speaking of life on the other side of the law...I've also said before that the other thing I couldn't do anymore is to serve as a getaway driver. I no longer possess a driver's license...and I wouldn't want to get caught fleeing a crime scene... without the legal permission to drive a car. I could get into some serious trouble. I might receive a ticket...or get sent to traffic school, and that wouldn't be very......wait for it.....handy!
Ataxia has also given to me some amazing sleight of hand abilities....the gift to make little things suddenly disappear. People ask all the time how I do it...and I don't mind revealing the mechanics behind the illusion either. I always start off with..."see, the first thing you wanna do is get a Neurological disease or condition, either one will work for this trick....."
