As I look back on my younger days, it is amazing to me to realize and see just how many things are related directly, (shockingly, I realize that I'm still the same person now physically, as I was then.... as a child....figure that one out), to my onset of Ataxia in my adult years. If you have been reading my blogs, you know that I have been able to connect quite a few events from my childhood to my current life.
Having these events in my life makes it all seem to be very convenient... like I am making it up just to prove a point, and to give myself something to write about. I assure you though that this is not the case. You are, dear reader, getting the truth and nothing but the truth.
A couple of days ago I wrote a Facebook post about the wonderful world of magic that Ataxia is. I had just made a laundry bottle cap disappear right before my very eyes, (if I hadn't been there I probably wouldn't have believed it). This was easily accomplished, by fumbling it, eventually flipping the screw top behind the dryer, where it promptly rolled underneath, to never be seen again....unless of course, I moved the dryer, but that would reveal how the trick was done. Anyway, this thought opened up another previously uncorrelated memory from my childhood....because on the Christmas of my ninth year, I received a beginner's magic set.
One of my favorite things to do, however, was not learned from the beginner's box of tricks. I used to really enjoy performing for friends and family the fifty-two-card-pick-up trick, which I guess wasn't much of a trick at all. Basically what you did was fling a deck of cards all over the floor and then yell out for them to now pick them up. Unfortunately, this was a one time trick...as most of my audience understood how this particular trick was done...and there almost never seemed to be a particular eagerness expressed for a repeated performance.
The fifty-two-card-pick-up trick was an easy enough feat to master, required no practice beforehand, nor did you need to spend any energy in forethought. You basically just grabbed a deck of cards in one hand, bent them like you meant to shuffle them, and instead shot them all over the floor. This is much the same concept as my Ataxia. It needs no forethought, planning, or skills.....and quite often when I grab something with one hand, it may look like I mean to do something else...but in the end, there is just a big pile on the floor that has to be picked up. Ataxia is also a trick that I am not eager to repeat.
One of the tricks that DID come from the box, though, was performed with what looked to be an ordinary deck of playing cards. In reality, only half the cards were a mix of standard cards...the other half were all the same card...which, in my case, was the five of hearts. The idea was to fan quickly through the deck before an utterly awestruck individual and have the complete deck appear to be entirely normal. The card deck would then be placed face down, tapped a few times with a finger, and fanned quickly again before the person for who the trick was being done. However, this time the entire deck would appear to contain a vast number of the same card....which again, in my case, was the five of hearts.
Even though this was a simple trick, done forty-three years ago, I still feel bound by the magician's code to not reveal the secret behind this dazzlingly impressive card trick, (it was a rigged deck...where the two different types of cards were of differing lengths. So depending on how you held them and fanned them out, one or the other face-type would be dominant and the only one to show...but you didn't hear that from me).
In a lot of ways, that old card trick resembles my Ataxia.... which is to say that, depending on how I hold onto things, and shuffle them throughout the day, this will have a significant determination on how it will go for me. Either one type of day will be dominate and be the only one to show...like dropping EVERYTHING, constantly stumbling, and continually walking into objects. Or the other reality will present itself...where I fall, stumble, and walk into stuff only HALF the time...which is also known as a good day.
Ataxia has provided me with the skills and natural abilities to pull off some pretty spectacular tricks. Like a good magician, however, I will not be persuaded to give away the secret behind the trick. Anyway, the truth is that no one actually even asks me how my particular Ataxia tricks are done....they only want to know why they were done. This state of affairs has always been a mystery to me...as no one ever asked Houdini, or other well-known magicians exactly WHY they did a particular trick. People were only obsessed with knowing how they did a certain trick. This seems to be extremely backward to me, as no one has of yet identified and come to truly appreciate the magic that Ataxia is.
There were, of course, other tricks in the box that I received in my youth, the details of which I can't exactly recall....but the common theme behind all of them was based on illusion. This just so happens to be another way in which my Ataxia is tied into my nine-year-old magician's skills. What appears to be normal....is not always that way. Of course, the more time I spend with SCA, the more I realize that I have to downplay any illusion of looking normal. You know, like walking straight, poking myself in the eyes and other vital organs, etc, etc. I'd never be able to get anything done if I didn't, because people would constantly be stopping me and wanting me to perform some sort of Ataxia-based-illusion for them. I don't have that kind of time.
And before anyone asks me...no, I cannot take on an apprentice. I don't know exactly why I have these skills, but it can not be taught. Believe me...if I could open up a school to the general public, and teach them Beginning Ataxia, I would...because I'm sure I could make millions...or maybe just thousands...hundreds? It would be more than I have right now, anyway. Maybe I could contribute to the popular How-To series, by writing an Ataxia Magic And Illusions For Dummies Handbook. It's actually not that hard...all you need is to own an official copy of Ataxia...the rest will come naturally.
I'm kidding, of course, and if you have read my writings, then you know that I do this. I also can be serious, and very sober,....but I joke about Ataxia in my life in an effort to lighten the mood. Yes, Ataxia is serious...and yes, there is plenty to be frustrated about. I believe, though, that we need to experience some balance in our lives. Life with any form, or kind of Ataxia, can be challenging...and depressing...but it can also be incredibly ironic, and funny. It is a matter of how you look at it...and I, for one, will continue to find the humor in my situation...so that Ataxia will not try to highlight, and bring out the negative....as it has a way of managing to do if we let it.
Almost three years ago I wrote a blog entitled, Seriously?, in which I went into depth on my feelings about Ataxia. I have included the link to that writing if you would like to read it again...or for the first time.
http://jasonwolfer.blogspot.com/2014/01/seriously.html
