I am taking a different approach from the previous blogs this time around. In the past, I have taken a humorous look at my history and the realities of the future. Although they were all true, I did on occasion take a writer's liberty and expand a few of the details while keeping the facts about my daily struggles one-hundred percent accurate; I made nothing up. And all of it has been incredibly easy for me to write. But where I go now is not.
You see, my friends, I am scared that what I say will be taken wrong. A superb and experienced writer can take you places and make you feel emotions just by the words they use, or by merely describing a setting in a detailed way or by how a phrase is crafted. But what is lost, in my opinion, through the written word is human contact. You cannot look into the eyes of the writer or hear their tone of voice. Again, a good writer can infuse those qualities in their writing, but only to a limited degree. Often misunderstandings and frustrations are due solely to the misinterpreting of someone else's writing. This is what I fear here....because the plain and simple truth is that most of us filter what we read through our own experiences, prejudices, and opinions. This is not always a bad thing, but I mention it as an explanation as to why I am nervous about the following:
If you know me or have paid attention to my writing, then you know that I joke about my Ataxia, but that the real truth is that I detest it. I honestly believe no one should have to suffer with it, but since we do, we all are deserving of a cure. However, those who know me also know that I look for the gold nuggets in my life. This article is about sharing the wealth I've found.
Ataxia helped to save me. It refocused a life that had become so busy it was only about me. What I fear is that someone will read, or hear, that last sentence and ask," did he just say that he likes Ataxia, that he appreciates having a crippling Neurological condition"? This is what I"m talking about. No, I definitely don't like Ataxia or having something wrong. I don't find any enjoyment by being physically limited at every turn. I don't like what my world has become, and I don't like what it is doing to others.
Which brings me to my first nugget....which is other people. If it weren't for my Ataxia, I never would have met the incredible people who I now call friends. Before I was diagnosed, I had not even heard of this monster called Ataxia. But through the support group, I attend that is filled with super people to the social sites on Facebook, I have found that this Neurological....thing can be and is a source for bringing people together in friendships, love, laughter, and support. We share advice and similar experiences that bind us though we are separated by hundreds or thousands of miles. If I have to have Ataxia, then this is where I want to be.
Another positive for me is my volunteer work for Hospice. I only started this AFTER losing my full-time job in May of 2012. Right now it is sporadic, but when I am with someone, I feel alive because I see them come alive again. 90-year-old men tell me stories from when they were 18, or stories about the war they were in, or stories about their first romance. I love it. True, it doesn't always go that way but being there for someone else is rewarding, and I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure that out.
I have also found my writing to be very fulfilling. Over the years I dabbled here and there but never took or had the time to do anything like posting a weekly blog. It started as simple therapy for myself, and it was my dear wife who encouraged me. It has become very satisfying for me, and I love the feel of sitting in front of a keyboard and turning my fingers loose. I don't even know what they are up to sometimes or what they'll write, but I'm always pleased with the result, although they could work a little more on their accuracy and spelling.
And last, but the most critical and shiniest nugget I've found, is Melissa. I have talked about her before and just referred to her regarding my writing. I mention her because I believe that I entered a marriage covenant when I took my vows with her twenty-five years ago. I also believe that my Ataxia has brought us closer together. No one in this life knows me better than my wife and this, I am convinced, is and always was, the way it was intended to be. She is also my best friend, and as I go forward from here, there is no one I would rather have beside me. Believe it.
Mentioning my wife leads me to the final bit that I want to share. Melissa and I celebrated our twenty-fifth anniversary on the fourteenth this month and are heading to Maui, Hawaii for a vacation. At this point, I am trying to decide how to continue with my blog when I get back. I have definitely been running an active Ataxia-based theme and how it works in my everyday life. I would prefer this topic but at the same time realize that the subject is limited lest I start repeating myself. As I don't have Alzheimer's yet and don't have a desire to rush anything, I may choose to move on to another subject. We'll see.....Until then, I want to encourage you all to dig for gold in your own life. And please let me know if I can be of any help,( I own a shovel).
Well said my friend! My words may not be as eloquent as yours, but they are as heartfelt. Thank you! Thank you for sharing your struggles and your triumphs with us, be it with humor or with seriousness. While we all have our "cross to bear," few do it with as much dignity as you. In my opinion, we have two options of how to bear that cross in life: Do it in misery OR do it with looking for the gold nuggets in life. I am glad to call you friend.
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