There have always been skirmishes, conflicts, and battles, but THIS is a war. There is nothing as frustrating to me as a stubbornly entrenched zipper. On the surface it looks to be an easy ordeal to go from an open zipper to a closed zipper, but therein lies the problem. For a person who doesn't have steady hands, just successfully getting the two sides lined up together can be a major undertaking. After trying to get the little tine into the little receptacle five or six times, I look around for the hidden camera. I just hope I don't turn on the television one day and see some poor, sad little man comically struggling with his zipper, only to realize after laughing hysterically that the man on t.v., is in actuality, me!
Sometimes I wonder if the zipper was an invention that came from the mind of the person who invented the gag birthday candles that never go out no matter how many times you blow them. Just when you think you have them out they come back to life. As soon as I think I have the zipper beaten into submission and on it's knees it comes back to life and shows me that it still has some fight in it and a few tricks up it's sleeve to make my life difficult. This is usually shown by the two halves separating as fast as I can join them together because they were not lined up correctly, or the zipper will grab a piece of wayward fabric and shove it into the path of the closing teeth, much like the villain who ties the heroin to the train tracks, which will always result in the halt of any continuation of forward progress. I can almost hear the evil little zipper chuckling to its self, all the while twisting it's little black curly mustache, as I tug and pull to free the fabric so the forward momentum can continue. Even after the zipper has been conquered and successfully taken all the way to the end, it still won't admit defeat and give up the fight, because zipping it up is only a partial victory. For example, I have a leather jacket, and all the zippers on it seem to think it's funny to twist the little pull handles so they are hanging in a direction that makes unzipping any of the pockets impossible. If I need to retrieve anything from these particular pockets I need to first excerpt myself and lose a pound of sweat before being allowed to gain entrance, because they've bound themselves into an impossible angle. It might be easier if I could just give a loud verbal command, like,"Open sesame"!
Now, before you suggest anything, let me just say that I know there are easier ways to go about this, and as much as possible I buy things with snaps, buttons, and/or velcro. But all of these, despite their levels of convenience, seem to always come with their own unique attitudes and special problems.
Cords are another thing that I have issues with. If they are not jumping up off the floor to try and trip me as I am walking by, or stepping over them, they are forever wrapping themselves around my ankles. I really don't understand their problem because I treat them nicely. I never harshly yank them out of the wall sockets or use them for a quick pick-up game of jump rope. I always keep them nice and straight and never twisted or allow them to become kinked. And I always wrap them up properly and store them with the equipment when I am done. But for some reason they have decided that this is not good enough and over the last several years they have begun to seriously miss-behave. I feel like I need to be a snake charmer just to vacuum my carpet. I'm not sure, but I think the problem may be that they overheard me talking about how nice it would be to have battery powered equipment. I think they feel their time is limited. And maybe it is.... but what do I know, it's just a theory!
Yes I know I could make my life a lot easier by just simply avoiding zippers and cords. But where is the adventure in that and where is the challenge, or fun? Sure my poor coordination has made lots of things more challenging and hard to do, but to simply give up on everything because it has become difficult would mean to admit defeat and that I will never do. It just means that as my condition progresses I need to continually rethink the obstacles that lay before me, and draw up new battle plans.
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