Avoiding The Invitation

here is a link to the audio version, in case you would rather listen to this blog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdnDQbY0WjE

There are a few things in my life; I have come to realize, that remain to be incredibly consistent. One of which is the invitations to do bodily harm that I receive from gravity.  I keep trying my best to ignore its hospitality, but it never seems to be discouraged, relentlessly sending out invites every day. There are days when I may have received dozens by the end of the day. These invitations remind me in a lot of ways of junk mail, both the kind that I receive in my physical mailbox and the type that comes to me digitally. I don't have any real need for all of the useless flyers and adds, and frankly, I wish that they would just stop.

The digital version of junk or unsolicited mail is referred to as Spam, so I guess in a lot of ways you could say that gravity, for a balance-challenged individual such as myself, is a form of Spam. The invitations vary of course, but the desired result is always the same, that I will fall hard on the ground, bounce off a door, wall, or tree, or in some other way injure myself. Gravity, you see, is very creative....and the invitations usually read along the same lines, which is something like, " Dear Mr. Wolfer, your presence is desired on the ground, and you are cordially invited to lose your balance and/or, by any means available at present, cause bodily harm to yourself ".

Of course, I am always trying to evade gravity and avoid attending the events to which I have been invited, but it is not as easy as it seems. The summons can come from anywhere, at any time. It's not like I can just forget to leave a forwarding address and hope the law of physics will not find me. It reminds me of a teacher I had in 5th grade. Her name was Mrs. Beeson, and I'm reminded of her because....as a student in her classroom I couldn't get away with anything. I often wondered if she had eyes in the back of her head because it seemed like she saw everything.

So I suppose that you are thinking to yourself at this point that I could just stop checking my mailbox thereby successfully avoiding the invitation, right? I mean, I can't go if I never know I was invited in the first place, correct? Well, in theory, you would definitely be on to something....if gravity only used the mail. But apparently, it has decided that it would be much more efficient using a multiple-pronged approach, or attack. It has also been making soliciting phone calls that I thought may be wrong numbers that someone called by mistake because when I answer no one is there, but it must be gravity calling and leaving some kind of subliminal message because I will almost immediately drop, trip over, fall down, or run into something. And as far as I know, there is not a do-not-call list that I can get on to make it stop.



Nothing, it would seem, will stop gravity, but just in case it can't reach me through the mail or by phone, it has a third strategy. The squirrelly little fella will show up at my door under the disguise of a salesman. He MAY think he has me fooled, trying to sell me on his particular brand of carpet cleaning or home security system, but I know it's him. I tried putting up a No Solicitation sign, but somehow the little weasel always seems to get through.

So, in the end, it would seem that I really, besides tying myself to the top of a flagpole and having my meals fed to me on the end of a long stick, am out of strategies, or options, for avoiding the invitation. But I am always open to suggestions....got any?