Here is the audio version of this blog: www.youtube.com/watch?v=n02BNlJF-Qc
As I tripped and fell the other day, for perhaps what could be the thousandth time, I had a moment to reflect before I hit the ground. In that brief second, three things occurred to me. For one, I realized that I was, at this exact moment, currently engaged in what could very well be a spectacular anniversary of falling. The second thing to quickly present itself was that if this fall is indeed an anniversary fall, then maybe I should be celebrating the milestone in one way or another. My third reflection surrounded the notion that falling seems to be coming much more naturally for me, and now seems to obtain a certain graceful fluidity to it... while other people seem to really have to work at it. As I fell, I also began to have all of the catchy little advertising phrases, helpful limericks, and musical jingles that we hear, cycle through my mind.
As I tripped and fell the other day, for perhaps what could be the thousandth time, I had a moment to reflect before I hit the ground. In that brief second, three things occurred to me. For one, I realized that I was, at this exact moment, currently engaged in what could very well be a spectacular anniversary of falling. The second thing to quickly present itself was that if this fall is indeed an anniversary fall, then maybe I should be celebrating the milestone in one way or another. My third reflection surrounded the notion that falling seems to be coming much more naturally for me, and now seems to obtain a certain graceful fluidity to it... while other people seem to really have to work at it. As I fell, I also began to have all of the catchy little advertising phrases, helpful limericks, and musical jingles that we hear, cycle through my mind.
I am not the kind of man that feels comfortable wearing pink.... nor do I see myself bearing any resemblance to the Energizer Bunny. Maybe, I thought, if the bunny was wearing a Timex Watch...and this leads me to think about the familiar slogan.... where the little bunny would now be able to take a licking and yet continue to go on ticking. In my mind, this familiar little jingle was changed to a saying that would better fit my Ataxia. One that would instead go something like this, ".....takes a licking and keeps on bounce'n.....off walls.... floors.... the ground, etc... etc."
While laying on my back in the driveway, having just finished a grand fall backward, I realized that I don't know my neighbors very well. They seem to be good people, but at that moment I realized they are not anything like the good people at State Farm....who, by the way, were not there. ( Take a second, it will come to you.) But, lest you think that I am only going to pick on the good neighborly people at State Farm, I should also mention that the good hands of Allstate were also not anywhere to be found. Of course, this could entirely be a reflection of the fact that I do not have a current policy with them. Nonetheless, the jingle that I have heard since infancy was not enough to keep me from striking my unattended target.
My journey with Ataxia has also significantly reversed the order of how some things now progress throughout the day. An example of this kind of event lays within the saying which states that what goes up, must come down. For me, this statement has become, what goes down must once again get back up. I suppose, though, that one could argue the validity of this. Because in order for me to fall down I had to first stand up, which would prove the original statement as true. However, it can also be argued that in order for me to stand up I would first need to fall down....or else, what would I be standing up from? I'd already be standing, wouldn't I? It's a bit of the whole chicken and the egg thing. Best to not think about it too much, but just accept it on faith.
While I am on the subject of the chicken and the egg, and which one came first...my days are filled with similar questions. Only I am plagued with questions like, which came first; the stumbling or the spill? The good intentions that I had, or the huge mess that I left in my wake? The misstep, or the Ataxia river dance? I suppose that the answers to these questions of mine don't really matter...as the prequel and the main event seem to always go together, and appear at times to even be interchangeable.
I could keep going with making correlations between many more quaint little sayings and quips that we all know. Instead, I am going to leave you with my thoughts on just one more. The saying goes that all that begins well, ends well. Physically? For me? Uhhhh....no, this would NOT be the case. However, I do not think that this phrase is referring to the physical alone. Mostly, I believe that it is referring to an attitude....more specifically, my mental and spiritual outlook and state of being. Yes, I experience physical trials, disasters, and frustrations throughout my day...but I have learned that these things have absolutely no control over my will. My ability to love, laugh, enjoy loved ones, and to share myself with others is not, or will it ever be, tainted by Ataxia.
Like the reflections on the river that I am standing next to, the outlook that we have, and the attitude of our heart, is a reflection of us. Ataxia is only a physical symptom...do not let it become a reflection of who you really are.
My journey with Ataxia has also significantly reversed the order of how some things now progress throughout the day. An example of this kind of event lays within the saying which states that what goes up, must come down. For me, this statement has become, what goes down must once again get back up. I suppose, though, that one could argue the validity of this. Because in order for me to fall down I had to first stand up, which would prove the original statement as true. However, it can also be argued that in order for me to stand up I would first need to fall down....or else, what would I be standing up from? I'd already be standing, wouldn't I? It's a bit of the whole chicken and the egg thing. Best to not think about it too much, but just accept it on faith.
While I am on the subject of the chicken and the egg, and which one came first...my days are filled with similar questions. Only I am plagued with questions like, which came first; the stumbling or the spill? The good intentions that I had, or the huge mess that I left in my wake? The misstep, or the Ataxia river dance? I suppose that the answers to these questions of mine don't really matter...as the prequel and the main event seem to always go together, and appear at times to even be interchangeable.
I could keep going with making correlations between many more quaint little sayings and quips that we all know. Instead, I am going to leave you with my thoughts on just one more. The saying goes that all that begins well, ends well. Physically? For me? Uhhhh....no, this would NOT be the case. However, I do not think that this phrase is referring to the physical alone. Mostly, I believe that it is referring to an attitude....more specifically, my mental and spiritual outlook and state of being. Yes, I experience physical trials, disasters, and frustrations throughout my day...but I have learned that these things have absolutely no control over my will. My ability to love, laugh, enjoy loved ones, and to share myself with others is not, or will it ever be, tainted by Ataxia.
Like the reflections on the river that I am standing next to, the outlook that we have, and the attitude of our heart, is a reflection of us. Ataxia is only a physical symptom...do not let it become a reflection of who you really are.
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