Ever since I can remember, I've loved to play games. I still do. There have been many memorable times with family and friends. Lately, though the old favorites, like Battleship, and Operation, are coming a little too close to reality for my taste. Take Battleship for example. I spent hours with my brothers and friends playing this game, taking turns sinking each other's battleship or the slippery little PT Cruiser, (I think that was the name of the small boat with two holes). In my current life, it feels as if I'm playing a giant game with reality. However, instead of my ships taking a beating, it's me, as if every time a number is called out I lose another physical ability. "A-seven...crap, there goes my clear speech," "B-seventeen...there goes the writing," "F-twelve...well, I didn't want to walk on flat ground without falling, anyway"!
Speaking of slurred speech, I think that one of the options of the voice assistant on a smartphone or GPS device should be that of someone with Ataxia, driving directions might be a problem, but then again, you might just get to see some new scenery.
Then, there was Operation. Under the best of circumstances, the poor cartoon guy on the operating table was in big trouble as long as I was the one wielding the tweezers. It was a sure thing that I would always touch the sides and be rewarded by that loud, obnoxious buzz. Today, I hear that "buzz" continually as I bounce off the walls, furniture, and trip over small animals. I bet if I were wearing a big red light on my nose it would constantly be blinking (by the way, bouncing off everything also reminds me of Pinball, which is a game that I also used to play).
There were other games my friends, and I liked to play. For instance, there was a game we often played called Risk. It was a blend of strategy with the unknown of the role of the dice. Not everyone liked Risk, and one game could last for hours or days (if you used to watch Seinfeld, Kramer and, Newman play a game of this in an episode). The thing about Risk was that it was a variation on the same theme of a lot of other strategy games. And just like thinking through moves in the competition, I start every day with a plan. But just like the strategies in the game are subject to the luck of the dice, so are my ideas.
Not that I role dice every morning to see what my day will be like, but I sometimes wonder if when they do another MRI of my head, they won't see the shadow of a pair of dice? " Yeah Doc, I knew they were there, the role determines what kind of day I'll have. Triple sixes is good, everything else....not so much." My brain also establishes things the same way as that little round cage in Bingo that disperses the old wooden balls with numbers on them. And in much the same way as Battleship, someone yells out a number, but instead of the triumphant shouts of, "Bingo!", one can usually hear me groan in pain or grumble in frustration.
And then, of course, sometimes I feel like I'm immersed in a game of Twister. But not the version you innocently played as a kid, oh no, this is the high-stakes speed round on the professional circuit. It is also being judged by former champions, so, you'll hear things like," You're right Jim, he did completely rotate his hips at a perfect right angle, but from the look of anguish on his face I don't think it was intentional." Or, "our camera clearly shows that his hand was violently shaking and, even though he was aiming for the green circle, fell just outside the blue circle, resulting in a yellow flag being thrown and an infraction on the mat." And the other judge would say something like, " Yeah, you really hate to see that Bob, and it makes you wonder if some people should just not play this game." I agree with this judge, by the way, and have been trying to quit the game for what seems to be years now.
Or there are also times I feel like I'm in a big game of Mousetrap. I know it's not always true but it seems like I'm moving through a well thought out obstacle course, and I'm just waiting for that half-circular, plastic cage to fall. One of my favorites games growing up was Rock Em' Sock Em' Robots. Two robots were in a little square ring facing each other and were controlled outside the ring by two joysticks with a depressible button on top. The robot could only jab and if you got a good shot in you were rewarded by a "zip" sound as the other robot's head shot straight up. One robot was blue, and one robot was red. I am the blue robot, life is the red robot, and Ataxia is the happy little child pushing the buttons. Whenever I don't hear the Battleship or Bingo numbers being shouted out, or the Twister judges and the helpful commentary, or the "buzzing" of a botched operation, I hear the "zipping" as Ataxia lands another lucky, (or unlucky), punch.
I know these are all just games, but as I play, I can't help but think and draw similarities to my life. And, no, it doesn't stop me from asking, "Do YOU wanna play a game with me"?
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