It's that time of year again...a time for me to remember the fact that when it comes to sending out cards, that I am a very proficient slacker. This fact becomes abundantly crisper in focus the closer I approach the Holidays. The Christmas card for me has begun to resemble the daydreaming sequence that is seen in movies where the main character is lost in thought while driving at night. He or she will always have drifted into the opposite lane, and fail to notice the semi-truck headlights as they approach and quickly grow brighter and brighter. In my world, there is always a collision at the end of this scene. Mine is not a collision with another vehicle however, but with Christmas, right before I wake up from my fantasy-induced coma. Time seems to be moving so fast that often it seems like I have just rolled into bed with a belly full of Thanksgiving Turkey,and ALL the trimmings,and the next thing I know I am shaking cobwebs out of my head, and palming sleep from my eyes on Christmas morning.
I have noticed over the years that there are five different categories of people when it comes to the subject of the Christmas card.
#1. The Super Early Bird....This is the person who purchases several boxes of cards on sale right after the previous Christmas, and mails them out sometime between The Fourth Of July and Labor Day. On an intensity scale of 1 to 10, this would score about a 12.5,(the only way to gain a higher mark would be to fill out said cards on New Year's Eve, thinking this to be a totally sane way to welcome in the new year).
#2. The Early Bird....These are the people who use the sugar-rush brought on by the Halloween candy mania to motivate themselves to get all two hundred cards hand-written, sealed and addressed, stamped, and mailed just moments after their kids have returned from trick-or-treating. Both the first and second kind of person will also hand deliver cards the week before Thanksgiving. I know they mean well, but whenever I receive one of these cards, it is as if they are saying,"I'm sorry you haven't done your cards yet....poor dear....I wish there were more I could do for you, but you will just have to keep struggling along the best you can".
#3. The, Yeah I've Still Got Time....These people are typically more of the," Eventually I'll get to it", type of people, and I don't want to judge here, but tend also to be a little more balanced. They usually get their cards out within the first or second week of December, and the cards will always arrive to their intended destinations well before all the spiked eggnog is gone.
#4. The Motivated By Guilt....These people are typically very overwhelmed, have multiple fires burning at any one time, and they do not feel that they have any say about sending cards, because the guilt of receiving, and possibly not reciprocating, is just too heavy. There also may, or may not, be a little touch of the Grinch within. Usually it is at about the moment of decision to mail, or not to mail, that the person will hear their mother whispering in their ear about the shamefulness of doing nothing...."It is Christmas after all, and your friends went to so much effort and trouble to send you this nice card! Wouldn't you be embarrassed to NOT send cards?"
#5 The, What, I Missed It Again?....These are the people who will put on a good show, coming up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for their negligence,(shoot, I forgot to buy cards, envelopes, and stamps, again!), but who never really intended to send out ANY cards in the first place. And it very well may be because they have chosen to make other worthy things in their lives a priority. Or, it just simply might be that they are very lazy and struggle with procrastination.
There are also four kinds of greetings that are sent out.
#1. The Card Only....This is a nice greeting card only, or a one sheet post card in an envelope. The idea here is that there is only one item being received. This method is simple, clean, and in many cases, totally sufficient.
#2.The Card AND Picture....This is a well thought out greeting card, which is also accompanied by a nice picture, usually a nice photo that was taken in the Fall when it was dry and there were a lot of nice colors. These kind of greetings take planning and forethought, and will potentially account for about half of the cards that are received.
#3. The Card AND Holiday Newsletter....Again, this is a nice card, but this time it is accompanied by a one to two page newsletter. This seems to be a rather popular choice, and also an opportunity to share with all your friends and loved ones just how many international vacations you went on, and usually a lot of this type is seen as well.
#4. The Perfect Trifecta....This greeting wonder consists of the card, picture, AND a newsletter. Yes, it is a bit of an over-achievement, and although rare, does happen. During the few times that I have received this artful greeting I felt like Charlie Bucket finding the last golden ticket, as I ripped my way eagerly into the envelope.
Anyway, the day always seems to sneak up on me, but not this time.....oh no, not this time. I have included the Wolfer Christmas letter for all of you, my friends, who are reading this.
I have noticed over the years that there are five different categories of people when it comes to the subject of the Christmas card.
#1. The Super Early Bird....This is the person who purchases several boxes of cards on sale right after the previous Christmas, and mails them out sometime between The Fourth Of July and Labor Day. On an intensity scale of 1 to 10, this would score about a 12.5,(the only way to gain a higher mark would be to fill out said cards on New Year's Eve, thinking this to be a totally sane way to welcome in the new year).
#2. The Early Bird....These are the people who use the sugar-rush brought on by the Halloween candy mania to motivate themselves to get all two hundred cards hand-written, sealed and addressed, stamped, and mailed just moments after their kids have returned from trick-or-treating. Both the first and second kind of person will also hand deliver cards the week before Thanksgiving. I know they mean well, but whenever I receive one of these cards, it is as if they are saying,"I'm sorry you haven't done your cards yet....poor dear....I wish there were more I could do for you, but you will just have to keep struggling along the best you can".
#3. The, Yeah I've Still Got Time....These people are typically more of the," Eventually I'll get to it", type of people, and I don't want to judge here, but tend also to be a little more balanced. They usually get their cards out within the first or second week of December, and the cards will always arrive to their intended destinations well before all the spiked eggnog is gone.
#4. The Motivated By Guilt....These people are typically very overwhelmed, have multiple fires burning at any one time, and they do not feel that they have any say about sending cards, because the guilt of receiving, and possibly not reciprocating, is just too heavy. There also may, or may not, be a little touch of the Grinch within. Usually it is at about the moment of decision to mail, or not to mail, that the person will hear their mother whispering in their ear about the shamefulness of doing nothing...."It is Christmas after all, and your friends went to so much effort and trouble to send you this nice card! Wouldn't you be embarrassed to NOT send cards?"
#5 The, What, I Missed It Again?....These are the people who will put on a good show, coming up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for their negligence,(shoot, I forgot to buy cards, envelopes, and stamps, again!), but who never really intended to send out ANY cards in the first place. And it very well may be because they have chosen to make other worthy things in their lives a priority. Or, it just simply might be that they are very lazy and struggle with procrastination.
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| photo taken by and courtesy of Melissa Wolfer |
There are also four kinds of greetings that are sent out.
#1. The Card Only....This is a nice greeting card only, or a one sheet post card in an envelope. The idea here is that there is only one item being received. This method is simple, clean, and in many cases, totally sufficient.
#2.The Card AND Picture....This is a well thought out greeting card, which is also accompanied by a nice picture, usually a nice photo that was taken in the Fall when it was dry and there were a lot of nice colors. These kind of greetings take planning and forethought, and will potentially account for about half of the cards that are received.
#3. The Card AND Holiday Newsletter....Again, this is a nice card, but this time it is accompanied by a one to two page newsletter. This seems to be a rather popular choice, and also an opportunity to share with all your friends and loved ones just how many international vacations you went on, and usually a lot of this type is seen as well.
#4. The Perfect Trifecta....This greeting wonder consists of the card, picture, AND a newsletter. Yes, it is a bit of an over-achievement, and although rare, does happen. During the few times that I have received this artful greeting I felt like Charlie Bucket finding the last golden ticket, as I ripped my way eagerly into the envelope.
Anyway, the day always seems to sneak up on me, but not this time.....oh no, not this time. I have included the Wolfer Christmas letter for all of you, my friends, who are reading this.
THIS year, I volunteered to write the Christmas letter ....just moments after Melissa told me that I was. Actually, we discussed what to do and looked at several options. We even thought about recycling last year's letter and sending it out again. I mean, come on.... be honest, would you really have noticed? I can just imagine what some of the people who will be reading this letter will be thinking. You all will be admonishing Melissa and I for ever thinking of doing something as bad, and clearly criminal, as sending out a year old Christmas letter and trying to pass it off as a new one. Well, I must confess, thereby hopefully saving Melissa from any of the controversy surrounding the potential Christmas letter fraud, and admit that I used the word, "we", rather liberally. It was only myself who came up with the letter-recycling idea. But now that I know that you know what I was thinking, and know that it won't work, I will proceed with a normally, and somewhat brief, letter of our past year.
In January, Melissa and I celebrated our 25th wedding
anniversary by going to Maui ,
Hawaii
We are in that time of life when there is a movement by our
children to begin to abandon us....uh, I mean...stretch themselves and be on
their own. The time seems to have come way too quickly, but Melissa and I are
excited to see what the future has in store for them:
Kameron moved into an apartment with a friend
from High School. He very successfully finished 2 years at Chemeketa, a community College in Salem Oregon, for which
he had received a scholarship, and after taking 1 year off, decided to take
classes at Western Oregon University . He is determined to
not incur debt, and to move slowly by only taking at any one time what he can immediately pay
for. He is also working hard at the same time and his Mother and I are very
proud to see the kind of man that he is becoming. This year he turned 22.
Megan also started out at Chemeketa after also having received a
scholarship. She spent her 1st year taking prerequisites, and then stumbled
into what she hopes to be a promising career. She is heavily involved in ASL,(American Sign Language), and transferred to Western Oregon University half way
through her sophomore year, is currently in her 3rd year, living in the dorms,
and enjoying her time there and doing very well. She continues to work at her
job at the Woodburn Outlet Mall one weekend a month so that she keep her standing there which will insure a
full-time job in the summer. She stays with us, much to our enjoyment, on those
weekends but returns to school in time for Monday classes. She is very active,
and her Mother and I are very pleased to see the direction that she has clearly
chosen. This year she turned 20.
And then there's Jessica who will be turning 18 in just a
few months. She is a High School Senior, and has recently become our favorite
teenager. From an early age Jessica established herself as the family
entertainer and keeps us laughing with her various antics, impressions, and
song parodies. She was chosen by the teachers and faculty at the school she attends to be in
a small group of students from her class who will be in the Doernbecher Pageant. It
is a annual event that raises money for the Children's Hospital, located in Portland Oregon. Gervais High School is one of the leading schools in Oregon
for giving financially to this Institution, and Melissa and I are very excited for her as this is a great opportunity and a very fulfilling experience.
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