In my constant, and unwavering negotiations with Ataxia, I find that if I set a list of daily goals for myself that these are what help me get through the day successfully. Of course it would make it much more effortless to reach my daily goals, and believe me I am sorely tempted, to just simply not have any. This way I would always be victorious, and never have to worry about letting myself down. Another word for this type of goal-setting would be lazy. I do, however, find that I have those days when doing as little as possible because of fatigue, or because the risk of injury to myself if I push it is a fraction higher than my usual plateau. Even though I try to limit these times, during these days I still have to eat, breathe, and try to walk on the razor's edge to the bathroom, so the elements of risk and the possibilities of injury are always present. And so with this in mind, I continue to set short-range goals that take me in small but safe steps, (fingers crossed) , through the day. I will share them with you in the event that, you know, if someone out there IS struggling with the concept of setting goals for themselves, that the ones I have set for myself might serve as an inspiration.
Nothing helps me to attain a better nights sleep, nor that infuses a sense of well-being, and accomplishment when I lay my weary body down at night, like the feeling of knowing that I have managed to reach all the goals that I have set for myself that day. In fact just the act of laying down is the realization of one of those goals. It is the last, and the most important, goal of the day. If I cannot achieve any other goal during the day, just having a nightly reunion with my bed is enough. But I continue to strive, and to do my best, to achieve the positive agenda that I have set for myself.
I start the day off, in a very similar fashion I suspect that most of you do, by waking up. Right away I start my day off on a positive note, as I have already accomplished the first goal that I have set for myself. Although, there are some variables in the attaining of this goal, as I never know for sure what state I'll wake up in. I don't mean State with a capital S, (I am not a member of a traveling circus, nor am I some kind of vagabond), but I mean state with a small s, or relating to my waking physical condition. I guess to simplify this particular goal, and so as to not base it on a wide range of fluctuations, the accomplishment of the goal of waking up should rather be based on the simple fact of whether or not I'm still breathing.
So, up to the current date, I have successfully nailed the first goal by simply opening my eyes, and from there I move on to the second goal...coffee. It really is as easy as that. It is a simple thing, but one that I can not over-stress the importance of. I stumble out to the kitchen and either I or Melissa will fill our large travel mugs. This goal is actually two-part, with the first part being completed the night before, and which plays a integral part in the successful achievement of the second part, which is the setting of the automatic timer on the coffee pot. This insures that the coffee will be ready and waiting. We use the buddy-system here to try and minimize the potential for true disaster. In the morning we also trade off filling our cups, as we both have a need to enjoy as much coffee as we can get into our systems' without actually drowning ourselves. Once this second goal is achieved I then advance to the third goal, which I just previously touched on. The triumphant avoidance of an accidental drowning by highly-caffeinated hot water. This is a very important goal to me and I seek to fulfill it while being engaged in the midst of goal number four. My easy chair. Oh yes, my easy chair, or as I will refer to it here, the horizontal-slumber mate. I spend a lot of time in the reclined position, studying the back of my eyelids as if I am trying to find some ancient writing or the charcoal pictures of a buffalo hunt etched there. I haven't found any yet, but I promise you my friends that I will not rest (did you SEE that one coming?) until I do. At this point in the morning, however, I do not avail myself of the horizontal-slumber mate's reclining charms, rather the highly seductive sprawled-back position serves as a precursor to a successful re-entry into bed at the end of the day.
About six months ago a lady from one of the support groups that I lead called me. She was very overwhelmed and distressed to the point of tears. She was looking around her house and seeing all the household chores that in the past had come so easy for her, but that were now a struggle. She compared what she used to be able to do and accomplish during the day with the reality of what she is currently able to do, and the thought was very frustrating and depressing. On top of this, her body was now reacting to the stress by shutting down. Most of us can relate to these feelings from time to time, as many of us have found ourselves in that dark spot. I know I have, which is the first thing that I told her. I also told her that it is a place that I have not allowed myself to stay in, and I strongly urged her also, to not allow herself to dwell there for very long.
How does this relate to the setting of daily goals? Because the friend that I just mentioned was not only comparing the past to the present, but was looking at her day as one large task, and because she was allowing herself to do so, was feeling completely overwhelmed, and was left to wonder how she would get it all done with a body that was becoming ever-increasingly uncooperative. I told her to pick just one or two things that needed to be done, and if that is all she could do, she needed to be okay with stopping there and resting. She needed to stop focusing on what she didn't get done, but on what she DID get accomplished, and to just let the other things go until tomorrow when she could go at them again with a fresh start. I told her that what I have found to be true in my own life is that a positive daily attitude starts when I am able to give myself permission to be me. Note here, that I did not say Ataxia is an excuse to take life easy, but I believe that we have to give ourselves permission to be who we are. I told her that it is a day-by-day situation as we learn to work with, and around our Ataxia. WE do have a handicap, and because of this fact, the everyday tasks, and things of life that come easy for others', and that used to come easier for us, are now a challenge. So, we have to set realistic goals for ourselves and stick to them. We have to be okay with taking smaller steps. You may not like it, but I very strongly believe that you will not be happy until you give yourself permission to understand your limitations, to engage them head-on, and to find ways to work with them, around those them, and despite them.
She knew these things, and just simply needed someone to shine a light into her pit of gloom, to reach a hand down, and to help her climb out. We all need this at times in this life, and is why support is so important, my friends. Because in those moments we need to know that we are not alone in our struggle.
Beyond my morning coffee lies a day that I could completely fill up with a seemingly endless list of chores, tasks, and responsibilities. I have made it one of my daily goals to just simply do a few things everyday, and I find that by the end of the week I have been able to accomplish just about everything. Everyone of us is different in how we may choose to handle our situation, but with MY daily Ataxian shadow, seeing and handling household chores in small chunks is a goal-system that works well for me. AND...it makes the reunion with my bed every night that much sweeter.
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