www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NwwIS9r6fk
Besides possibly being a really cool name for a band, Short-Offering Buffet is just another way to say leftover night. This is a direct reference to a past blog, number 43, which was titled Leftovers, No Matter How They're Reheated. It is time again to clean out my fridge, and offer to you the bits and pieces that have been gathering dust in my mind. Hopefully you will find something here that you will like (but if not we always have frozen pizza available).
1. Losing My, Uh....?Dealing With A loss Of My, Uh...?Oh, You Get The Point!
At a tender, and yet slightly riddled and marbled with fat, age of fifty I am now mature enough to admit that I have never had what most people would refer to as a impressively-commanding handle on short term memory. Oh sure, I can easily remember all the lyrics to songs and the band members that played, and sang those popular hits when I was just a kid. But ask me what I had for dinner last night? Uhhhhhh..... give me a minute.... Oh shoot,I should know this one.... (five minutes later, and after consulting with wife)..... Oh yeah, now I remember! And then she reminds me that I was the one who made the dinner. See what I mean? Not very impressive. But this pales in comparison to the short term memory that my body seems to have lately. I was thinking about this in the shower this morning when my legs started to wobble the moment my eyes were closed so that I could rinse my hair out. And I distinctly remember thinking, " Really guys? Really? We just went through this exact routine yesterday!" (Side note: You may be tempted to be impressed by my power of recall and memory of the events in the shower, but remember, they happened merely minutes before I wrote this. In fact, I thought of this whole memory idea while taking a shower, and basically had to write it down as soon as I was dry, lest I forget. I'm serious, don't laugh, if I would have waited until I was completely done, I would have probably remembered that I had been thinking about SOMETHING a few moments ago. Then I would have convinced myself that I had been thinking about possible flooring options for our house. Hey, I've done it before). Anyway, my point is that lately my body is seeming to have lapses in recall. My fingers will, on one day, remember how to tie a shoe or to grip a fork. But the next day? It feels a lot like it is the first time all over again. The seventies hit, "Feels Like The First Time", by Foreigner could become my new Ataxian theme song.
2. It All Comes A'Tumblin Down.
If I could have gotten a head's up, or even received a clue, when I was three or four that one day I would have Ataxia, I could have begun laying the ground work for a spectacular pay-off later. Just imagine with me for a moment, I could have talked my father into letting me use his five acres of land. Every week I could have set up ten thousand Dominoes, in anticipation for the day that I would stumble into them and set a world record. I mean, ten thousand a week? Until I was thirty-eight? That's....uh, let's see... there are forty-eight weeks in a year, sixteen tablespoons in a cup...uh....well, it's a lot, and I would have been a champion Domino-type person, (or whatever you call a person whose major achievement was setting up Dominoes all his life). Of course, had I actually done this, I would have needed a clean-up crew to pick up all the fallen tiles. I set it all up pre-ataxia and can't be expected to do all the clean up post-ataxia, as I can't really bend over and pick up small things without doing a nose dive, or packing a suitcase in anticipation of an extended trip. Besides, I did the hard part by stumbling into the stack and getting the ball rolling, or Dominoes toppling, as it were. But, as close to reality as that little musing is... it didn't happen. It could have, but....it didn't. However, in the present I DO think of Dominoes every time I reach into a cupboard, attempt to put something away, or reach into the refrigerator. I am not making this up when I say that sometimes, what should have taken me seconds, now takes me minutes because of all the things that tumble out of the cupboard or that fall off of the counter when I reach for something else. When our kids were small, Melissa and I had built up a rather large collection of plastic cups, because plastic is very kid friendly, as opposed to glass. We still have some of those cups, and I am glad that we do, because I've discovered that these are also Ataxia-friendly. Just think of what would happen if Dominoes were glass. They would literally be one-use toys. Thanks to the spectacular invention that plastic cups are, the Domino-style action continues.
3. And Speaking Of Perspective.....
One of my goals throughout the day is to have the appearance of control, (by the way, I believe that the perspective we may have of ourselves to be a natural part of the goals that we set for ourselves, and this current writing is meant to be a direct extension of my last blog, concerning goals). When out in public, and it appears as if I am intoxicated, I would rather people imagine that there may be another reason for my unsteady gait, rather than one of alcohol. Something simple, say, like that I am really only practicing at being publicly intoxicated because I landed a part in the local theater as the town drunk and I really want to nail it. Although, that seems to be rather specific, and I can't imagine where they would have gotten that idea in the first place. There's got to be an obvious answer, like maybe I told them, or something simple like that. I don't really recall, I have bad short-term memory, remember? Maybe you don't, I don't know, but the point is that the perspective you have of yourself cannot be based on other people's preconceived notions. I am not referring to family, friends, and loved ones who can speak positively into our lives. We need to be an encouragement for each other, and speak truth into each others' lives. The support of others' can be very helpful, and in a lot of ways, make all the difference. What I am saying is that the perspectives, or the false conclusions that people jump to that do not know or understand the handicap that affects us, are usually NOT helpful. These can hurt, or cause frustration and anger, which is what typically happens. Our perspective needs to be based on who we are, and our daily goals need to reflect this. It is like I stated in my former blog, that I believe we need to accept our limitations, give ourselves permission to be who we are within our disability, and to set realistic goals for ourselves that are based on an accurate perspective of who we are. Having a positive perspective, rather than a negative one, is possible within this disease.
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| Ataxia, just like other handicaps or circumstances in life, is a matter of perspective. |
Now that I have shared with you my thoughts on goals, and perspective, I would like to move on to a subject that I call Peeking Through The Willows. As a person who found himself suddenly staring into the reality of a diagnosis of Spinocerebellar Ataxia, like many of you, I felt alone and now somewhat separated. But also like many of you, I discovered after a time that this was not a true perspective. The truth was that there was a support group that I could join. There were thousands of people world-wide that I could reach out to through social media, and connect with. They were from all walks of life, at different places and stages as they dealt with their handicap, and they brought much needed understanding, friendship, and support into my life. They began to teach me by the examples in their own lives what it was to live moment-by-moment with a handicap. Why do I call this Peeking Through The Willows? It is because I strongly believe that, as we peek into other peoples' lives, we can find the strength within our own handicap to maintain a positive perspective of who we are, and to set correct and helpful goals for ourselves.
Well my friends, I truly hope that there was something presented here that you found palatable. I am sending all of you thoughts of strength, and pray that you have a great day!
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